I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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