I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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