Operation Purity has been aborted
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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