Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
