Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
