so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
