TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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