I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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