96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
either way he was missing a nipple.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
