opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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