Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
