I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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