Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
