is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
