I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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