the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
