my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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