dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
