Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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