you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
