So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
