I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This baby is an asshole
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
