How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
