nutella sex= disaster
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize