So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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