I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
