Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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