Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
