I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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