So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize