is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
