I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
