thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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