on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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