I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
