My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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