Got a toothbrush?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
