She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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