Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
