dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
