I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
