A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
