tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
