Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
