she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
