She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You smell like stripper and shame
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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