Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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