At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
