saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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