That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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