I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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