i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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