Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
