After last night, I could never be a politician.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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