he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
