96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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