I just threw up on my dentist
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
