party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
