time to smoke my breakfast
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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