I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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