false alarm. still invincible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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