I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
