i barfeds in our rink
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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