Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
