wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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