I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
