I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
