drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
