I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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