theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
