I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
