She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
