If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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