yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize