we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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