no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
