Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
