I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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