I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
