his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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