you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
